Do Not Covet
Do not covet - Deuteronomy 5:21
But still, I covet. I covet people who have nicer cars and houses and computers than I do. Particularly computers.
See, I long to host my own blog - without worrying about another server crashing. I long to host my own podcasts - without worrying about another server crashing. I long to be able to record the podcasts - without worrying that my software is about to crash 'cuz it's running out of memory. So, I need a better computer. Ideally, I'd like a dual-4GHz processor with about 4GB of memory and a redundant connection. I'd like about 500GB of hard disk space. I'd like to run linux - it's a great web system.
But what I've got is not quite what I'd like to have. I have a 300MHz webserver - which has crashed. It had 20GB of disk space, and my problems began when I added the second 10Gb drive. Maybe you remember that...
Well, trying to make the thing work, I have hit rock bottom. I want a better computer. I want a better connection. I want redundancy (a back-up system so I'm never down). I want. I want. I want.
My mother used to tell me to want in one hand and poop in the other. Then see which fills up the fastest. Wise words. I've devoted some of my time and energy to making the systems I have work. There's really nothing wrong with an old webserver, but with the software I've got, it's very hard to maintain. It's mostly my own ignorance.
So, I need to examine the source of the covetousness. Am I coveting out of greed or laziness? Or am I coveting because I desire to have a tool that will allow me to do the job that I believe God has assigned me? Well, it's entirely possible it's a combination of both (or all three - a lazy, greedy guy who thinks that only a better computer...)
I like blogging. I like podcasting. And iTunes no longer recognizes my podcasts after I moved them to a new server. On the outside, nothing's changed. You can still access them at http://clay.fhlforums.com/download/whatever.mp3. But they're not available through iTunes. I'm so sorry about that. I don't know how to fix that.
And it frustrates me.
Sunday night, after attempting for the fourth time to install an operating system on my webserver, I shut it down in frustration and walked around the block, barefoot. I was rather angry. I cursed at God. Yeah, I know. I shouldn't do it. I let my anger take control (James 3:1-6 tells us that our words are the least controllable thing we have) but that's no excuse.
God still spoke to be, however. He said, "You know, you have a Windows machine with a webserver installed. It's easier to maintain than Linux. Why don't you use that?" I went home and got my Windows webserver running. I'm getting the pages formatted, but you can still download the podcasts from the links at the end of this blog entry.
Why am I frustrated? Because I believe these messages are what I need to be doing. I'm frustrated because I believe God wants me to do His work - and this is part of it. And as I do the work, I keep running into obstacles. I joined the US Navy because Marines and Army make you go through obstacle courses (well, that's not the whole reason, but that was part of it). I don't like that stuff. I'm like electricity. Take the shortest path to ground. God apparently wants me to be a little more like directional drilling through hard rock.
OK - I'm off my pity-pot. I am going to succeed at this because it's what God wants me to do. Look at the Clustr-Map® to the right. I'm getting hits from all over. And it's not my doing - it's the movement of the Spirit. Heck, I don't write most of this stuff. I'm a ghost-writer for the Spirit. He guides my fingers. He tells me what to write and all I do is put it on electrons. I know I'm not a good writer. He writes through me. And I thank Him for that daily. With Him behind me, I cannot fail.
Links to download my podcasts directly without iTunes:
- Dog.mp3 Related blog entry
- Hate.mp3 Hate in the Name of Love
- Hell.mp3 What's Hell all about, anyway?
- Hero.mp3 Related blog entry
- Mountain.mp3 Related blog entry
- Prison.mp3 Related blog entry
- Radioactive.mp3 Related blog entry
- Star Wars.mp3 Related blog entry
- Suffering.mp3 Related blog entry
Enjoy listening. This will have to work 'til I figure out what's wrong with my iTunes entry.
posted by ClayMan at 10:01 AM
2 Comments:
you wrote:
"I am going to succeed at this because it's what God wants me to do."
AMEN! now BELIEVE it...don't just say it!!!:)
and by the way Clay, you ARE a good writer...because you write from your heart and allow God to use it in whatever way HE sees fit. I love reading your stuff. keep at it! You will get there. God IS faithful to His children ALWAYS.
PS-- THANKS for the downloads!! can i put them all on a CD? and if so, how do i do it? i'd like to make a CD for andy to listen to on the way to work :)
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