This is How it Feels...

Podcast for this entry available here.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

- These and other lyrics from the song "Held" recorded by Natalie Grant, lyrics written by Christa Wells

Every time my daughter hears this song, she cries. The first time she heard it was watching a PowerPoint presentation at church shortly after Hurricane Katrina. The PowerPoint was full of images of smashed houses - and the people that lived in them. It struck especially close to our hearts, as we have family in Gulfport and Biloxi, MS. This was also just before we thought we may be in the same situation with Hurricane Rita.

The song "Held" by Natalie Grant is full of poignant lyrics, written by Christa Wells "in the wake of losing two loved ones". - ChristianityToday.com ChristianMusicToday.com - Natalie Grant It is driven by a haunting melody as we are reminded of the promise that no matter what happens to us in this fallen world, we would be held.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

Many Christians (and non-believers scoff because they) believe that God will protect them from all harm and misfortune. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Paul suffered greatly for his faith in Christ; being flogged and imprisoned several times just because he believed. Paul himself oversaw the stoning of Steven - a martyr in the name of Christ. Yet he wrote the following (2 Cor. 1:3-7, NIV)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Suffering is part of being a Christian. I wrote once in a now-defunct blog that I believe God is a blacksmith, not a potter. That means I'm a hunk of hard iron, resistant to change - not a lump of malleable clay (though that is my name... Hmmm). When I dedicated my life to Him, I asked Him to take over my life completely. Make me into what He wants me to be. Well, in order for Him to do that, He needed to break me down. There was (and, apparently, still is) a method He has to follow to make me into his servant.

First, He removed everything upon which I depended. He knocked my legs out from under me. I demonstrated this to my seven-year-old daughter by catching her behind her knees with one hand while catching her with my other hand. That is what God did to me. He knocked my legs out from under me. He left me with nothing to lean on - except Him.

I'm not going to lie to you. It hurt. It still does sometimes. But the truth is, it had to be done. I was very self-absorbed, and relied on my own talents to get me through life. God took all of that away from me so I could lean on Him and count on His blessings to get me through life.

Today, I'm basically unemployable (a computer network engineer who's been out of the loop for four years!), I live in a house in a perpetual summer with no air conditioning and my 26" TV bit the dust leaving me with a 5" black and white. My brother-in-law felt sorry for us and gave us a spare 14" color. I love to eat dinner at fine restaurants, but now that only happens when someone else is buying.

So, to put it bluntly, my life sucks. But,

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

I'm not incredibly wise, but I've learned to look for blessings in the little things - like the lilies of the valley.

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

- Matthew 6:28-30, NIV

My wife keeps singing a song that goes

When upon life's billows, you are tempest-tossed
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost
Count your many blessings, name them one by one
And it will surprise you what the LORD has done!

Following that song's instructions has put everything in perspective for me. Yeah, life sucks, but there are many, many blessings that I seem to forget. We were spared Rita's wrath, for example. Yeah, we spent 16 hours on the road and only went 22 miles, but we didn't suffer any damage from the storm that was forecast to come within 10 miles of our house with over 100 mph winds.

I will not deny that Christians experience suffering. Perhaps we suffer more because of our faith than those who are not faithful. Satan tempts us as he tries to lure us away from Christ. Satan puts snares in front of us as he lies, telling us his way is better. If we abandon Christ, Satan will stop working to make our lives miserable. It's a fact.

And, many have fallen for Satan's lies. I, myself, have suffered depression and been under a doctor's care for bipolar disorder because of these lies. I still occasionally fall for them. But when I stand firm in the teachings of Christ, I am tried even harder. Ephesians 6 warns us about these trials, and urges us to "put on the full armor of God". It is only with this armor that we can make it in this world.

The song "Held" ends with the words:

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.
This is what it is to be held
And to know, that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held

Yeah, our hope is born of suffering. Our hope rests eternal in sharing the suffering, death and resurrection of our LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ. And, only through suffering can we come to depend upon our LORD. If life is 100% hunky-dory, will you ever know the joy of the LORD?

In 2 Corinthians 11:16-33 and continuing in 2 Corinthians 12:1-10, Paul 'boasts' about his sufferings. He takes pride in the fact that he has suffered for Christ. He discusses the "thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me." And his answer when he prayed for relief? "My grace is sufficient for you, for my pwer is made perfect in weakness."

So, I'll just reiterate what Paul said to the Church at Corinth. Rejoice in your sufferings, as hard as it may be. Rejoice when things go wrong. Like right now when I'm trying to get this thing written and the kids are being hard to get along with. It's hard to rejoice, but it's what we are commanded to do.

I'm there to hold you when you're suffering. I'll pray with you and I'll cry with you. But most of all, I'll rejoice with you.