Tuesday, July 29, 2008

How can you be so stupid...

Three years ago, when the tragedy of Katrina struck, I kept hearing people ask how anyone could be so stupid as to build a city below sea-level. Well, I chide them for their ignorance (New Orleans has been sinking over the last couple hundred years - it used to be above sea level), then point out that the city in which I (and generally the other party as well) is also very close to sea-level and floods quite often.

Then, today, I heard about a whole lotta shakin' goin' on in California. And I got to thinking. How can anybody be so stupid as to live in...

  • A city that is so hot and humid that it didn't even start growing until Air Conditioning was invented. A city that is very close to sea-level and floods quite often. A city where the mosquitoes and alligators are more at home than the people.
    Answer: Houston, Texas
  • A city that shakes - at least a hurricane will give some advance warning.
    Los Angeles, San Francisco, etc.
  • Farmland where tornadoes are guaranteed every year to come by and wipe out at least a portion of your crop
    Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa...
  • A place where blizzards routinely punish the citizens with snow drifting so high it's better skiing than Vale.
    Minnesota, North Dakota...
  • A place where nothing can grow because the ground will only support sagebrush and tumbleweed.
    (I used to live here ->) Pahrump, Nevada or any other desert community

My point - either we're all stupid or we've come to accept that there is some point in our chosen residence that others may not be willing to live with. But each of these places has something beautiful to trade for their single point of contention.

Since I started picking on New Orleans, let me tell you that the countryside surrounding New Orleans is unique and beautiful. And the people - they're wonderful to hang out with and amazing cooks. Coffee in New Orleans is the best in the world. Jazz was invented here. So was gumbo. What more need be said?

And, my current home of Houston does have a lot to offer. History, science, children's activities - there's never a dull moment! Yeah, it gets hot, but that's what freon's for!

Los Angeles - no matter what climate you like, you're never more than an hour away from it. Put on your skis and hit the slopes. Next day go surfing! Get some fresh fruit and spend the evening at a restaurant watching celebrities. Enjoy the round-the-clock comfort of perfect temperatures.

Tornado country - is also home to America's food source. Nearly everything you buy at the grocery store comes from the Great Plains. No need to level your field! Just plow and plant. Don't forget to check out the Great Rivers as well for some fun in the water.

The frozen north is our dairy country. Minnesota is known as the land of 1000 lakes - and they've adapted quite well to the cold. Heck - Houston comes to a screeching halt if the temperature dips to 25F. Minnesota keeps going at -50F! And they can handle the warmest, most humid days Houston can dish out. Beautiful countryside and four real seasons. What more could you ask for?

Pahrump, Nevada. Home to Art Bell. First place blown up in “Mars Attacks” (Jack Nicholson for President)! More brothels than wineries. An hour away from Vegas and Death Valley.

See - we're all stupid. We all like to live in inhospitable places. But we learn to make the best of it wherever we may be. Next time you want to call someone stupid 'cuz they live in a flood zone, think about your own hometown. Why wouldn't I want to live there.
Ah- but then again, why would I?

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