Moving Day

At the suggestion of my lovely wife, Clay's Ramblings is moving.

The word ramblings seems to indicate that I'm not very direct when I speak. While it may be true that I tend to digress on occasion, and I've been told that I'm wordy, that's not a good description of someone who desires to spread the Word of the LORD. She has read my blog, and has noticed that the vast majority are about healing in some way. She suggested the name Healing Power and, after much thought and prayer, I have accepted her idea.

Healing Power resides at http://healing-power.blogspot.com. I will not delete Clay's Ramblings, but I will not be updating it any more. I will still be maintaining The Rat and the Rambler, and Clay the Rambling Homeschool Dad.

Healing Power is also the new name of my podcast. It should be up and running (with all the old files) on Monday. I'll post the link then.

Pray with me that God will reach people through this ministry. Pray with me that the podcasts will be well received, and give people pause for thought. I believe that the LORD is working through this ministry, and I have received personal feedback along those lines.

Thank you for your support, and come with me to the new Healing Power!

Adios,
Clay

Moron Podcasting...

No, I didn't misspell it. I'm a moron who's trying to podcast. So, I'm a Moron Podcasting. Kinda like the sign that says "Men Working", my sign says "Moron Podcasting".

So now, I'm looking for someone who has webspace to which I can FTP a lot of stuff. I'd like at least 5 GB of space, and I know that's a lot to ask. But, if someone has a website that I can just drop my stuff in a folder, I'd be very happy.

If anyone out there on the 'net has some server space they'd like to donate to this broke dude, let me know. Shoot an e-mail to claysramblings at gmail.com.

Adios,
Clay

Fear - A New Series

I invite you to come to The Rat and the Rambler to read a new series I've started called "Fear". I will be posting there more often then here until the series is completed, so be sure to check there often!

Adios,
Clay

I Smell Smoke!

With those words, I woke my wife at 3:28 this morning.

Now, I've tried to wake her gently, with kind words, at an appointed time on the weekends. Grabbing her shoulder and nudging her, holding a cup of freshly brewed, sweetened and creamed coffee under her nose, it takes a few seconds to register that it's actually time to come to life.

This morning, however, I smelled smoke. And I said "I smell smoke." She woke up and was out of bed before me! We started sniffing around the house. When I woke up, I smelled it by my alarm clock (set for 5:00 am). I called her back and had her sniff near there. Nothing. We took a smoke detector off the wall and put it there, but nothing tickled it to make it scream.

That whole ordeal took about five minutes. We determined that it must have been a dream and she went back to bed. After all, her alarm will go off at 4:30. She has almost another hour to sleep.

Me, I went back to bed and lay there staring at the ceiling. I got my PalmPilot and started playing Shishenso. I finally got up about 3:50 and got a cup of coffee. Then I sat down to write. After all, writing is what I love to do - especially writing about God. What does smelling smoke have to do with God? Well, before we went back to bed, we prayed. It was her suggestion. "Father in Heaven, Our Protector in times of trouble, we ask for your protection this morning. Whether the smoke was real or imagined, please protect our family. Douse the fire, or at least let us know it's real. Don't let your children be hurt by the fire."

God is our Protector. He will not necessarily protect us from all harm or illness; all of the faithful will eventually die. "Man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment," - Hebrews 9:27, NIV says the apostle. That's it. But, in the intervening time, we can ask for protection and receive it.

Do I believe in divine protection? Even before I became a Christian, that answer was abundantly clear. I'm pretty good with a stick-shift, and have been since I was about 18. I know how to work the clutch. Very rarely do I kill the engine by popping the clutch. But one day in 1992, that happened. My light turned green and I started moving forward. I popped the clutch too fast and the engine died. Then a car came sailing through their red light across the intersection. Had I not inadvertently killed the engine, I would have been hit hard in the driver's side. Being a "CHINO" (CHristian In Name Only), I knew about divine intervention. I began to tell people about it, along with this disclaimer: "God saved me. I don't know why. He must love drunks."

God is our Protector. The psalms are full of praises for His guardianship of His people. In 2 Kings 6, Elisha and his servant saw that the city of Jerusalem was surrounded by an enemy army. His servant was frightened, but Elisha prayed that the servant's eyes would be opened to what Elisha could see. An army of angels stood between the enemy army and the city. He asked the LORD to strike the enemy blind, and it happened. He puts a shield up around us to protect us from evil and from physical harm.

Nearly 500 years ago, Martin Luther penned one of Christianity's greatest hymns to the tune of a popular drinking song. It begins, "A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing; Our helper He, amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing." Luther's conversion to Christ came from divine protection. Travelling in a terrifying thunderstorm, with lightning flashing all around, Luther bargained with God, saying that if he made it through the storm, "I shall become a monk!" He kept his promise.

I don't like the idea of bargaining with God. I don't believe that it's necessary. "Ask and it will be given to you". - Matthew 7:7, NIV Jesus didn't say, "make me a good deal and I'll see if it can be done."

Is there some terrible trial befalling you? Are you faced with an evil that you cannot defeat on your own? Ask God for help. He will see you through it. If He doesn't stop the problem, He will give you strength and peace to deal with it.

Do Not Covet

Do not covet. - Exodus 20:17

Do not covet - Deuteronomy 5:21

But still, I covet. I covet people who have nicer cars and houses and computers than I do. Particularly computers.

See, I long to host my own blog - without worrying about another server crashing. I long to host my own podcasts - without worrying about another server crashing. I long to be able to record the podcasts - without worrying that my software is about to crash 'cuz it's running out of memory. So, I need a better computer. Ideally, I'd like a dual-4GHz processor with about 4GB of memory and a redundant connection. I'd like about 500GB of hard disk space. I'd like to run linux - it's a great web system.

But what I've got is not quite what I'd like to have. I have a 300MHz webserver - which has crashed. It had 20GB of disk space, and my problems began when I added the second 10Gb drive. Maybe you remember that...

Well, trying to make the thing work, I have hit rock bottom. I want a better computer. I want a better connection. I want redundancy (a back-up system so I'm never down). I want. I want. I want.

My mother used to tell me to want in one hand and poop in the other. Then see which fills up the fastest. Wise words. I've devoted some of my time and energy to making the systems I have work. There's really nothing wrong with an old webserver, but with the software I've got, it's very hard to maintain. It's mostly my own ignorance.

So, I need to examine the source of the covetousness. Am I coveting out of greed or laziness? Or am I coveting because I desire to have a tool that will allow me to do the job that I believe God has assigned me? Well, it's entirely possible it's a combination of both (or all three - a lazy, greedy guy who thinks that only a better computer...)

I like blogging. I like podcasting. And iTunes no longer recognizes my podcasts after I moved them to a new server. On the outside, nothing's changed. You can still access them at http://clay.fhlforums.com/download/whatever.mp3. But they're not available through iTunes. I'm so sorry about that. I don't know how to fix that.

And it frustrates me.

Sunday night, after attempting for the fourth time to install an operating system on my webserver, I shut it down in frustration and walked around the block, barefoot. I was rather angry. I cursed at God. Yeah, I know. I shouldn't do it. I let my anger take control (James 3:1-6 tells us that our words are the least controllable thing we have) but that's no excuse.

God still spoke to be, however. He said, "You know, you have a Windows machine with a webserver installed. It's easier to maintain than Linux. Why don't you use that?" I went home and got my Windows webserver running. I'm getting the pages formatted, but you can still download the podcasts from the links at the end of this blog entry.

Why am I frustrated? Because I believe these messages are what I need to be doing. I'm frustrated because I believe God wants me to do His work - and this is part of it. And as I do the work, I keep running into obstacles. I joined the US Navy because Marines and Army make you go through obstacle courses (well, that's not the whole reason, but that was part of it). I don't like that stuff. I'm like electricity. Take the shortest path to ground. God apparently wants me to be a little more like directional drilling through hard rock.

OK - I'm off my pity-pot. I am going to succeed at this because it's what God wants me to do. Look at the Clustr-Map® to the right. I'm getting hits from all over. And it's not my doing - it's the movement of the Spirit. Heck, I don't write most of this stuff. I'm a ghost-writer for the Spirit. He guides my fingers. He tells me what to write and all I do is put it on electrons. I know I'm not a good writer. He writes through me. And I thank Him for that daily. With Him behind me, I cannot fail.

Links to download my podcasts directly without iTunes:

• Dog.mp3 Related blog entry
• Hate.mp3 Hate in the Name of Love
• Hell.mp3 What's Hell all about, anyway?
• Hero.mp3 Related blog entry
• Mountain.mp3 Related blog entry
• Prison.mp3 Related blog entry
• Radioactive.mp3 Related blog entry
• Star Wars.mp3 Related blog entry
• Suffering.mp3 Related blog entry

Enjoy listening. This will have to work 'til I figure out what's wrong with my iTunes entry.

What the...

Originally posted on 08.09.2006
OK - that's enough for today.

I've been pulling out some of my original blog - hand made and posted on a small 5MB webserver - and posting them here. Today, I posted 10 of them. This was my first attempt at blogging. I was doing it by hand so I could learn about web development and RSS. Now, I just want to write. 'Course, the RSS stuff did help in posting my PodCasts on iTunes.

Enjoy! Feel free to comment! There have been changes in my life since these were written, and the last post (If I had a Million Dollars) was edited to show that I've started my prison ministry.

If I Had a Million Dollars

Originally posted on 05.01.2005

If I Had a Million Dollars ¹

If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house)
If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you furniture for your house (maybe a nice chesterfield or ottoman)
If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a K-car (a nice Reliant automobile)
If I had a million dollars
I'd buy your love ¹

---

For those of you that don't know, the "Barenaked Ladies" are neither ladies nor naked. For those of you that don't bother to read the footnotes, "The Barenaked Ladies" is the name of the group that performs "If I Had A Million Dollars," the song referenced in this installment of Clay's Ramblings. The Barenaked Ladies is a Canadian group that makes good fun music. Much of it sounds farcical, as the lyrics to this song suggest. But that really has nothing to do with today's topic. The lyrics to the song, however, do.

My wife and I began discussing all the things we would do if we won the lottery - which we neither desire nor can afford to play. (Gee, two uses of neither/nor in one installment! Am I getting too big for my britches? I don't think so. I been working out...)

She said she would quit her job and let me go to work. After all, that's what I want to do with my life. I said I would, but that I would continue the work I am now doing. Namely, I volunteer at the YMCA and at my church.

I guess my life wouldn't change much - except that I would let someone else do the cleaning around here. I enjoy volunteering my time, but I don't do it often enough. I would like to be able to leave the kids at home and head out to work at a soup kitchen or Impact Church of Christ. As it is, I can't seem to find the time to do my own laundry!

I would like to get involved with prison ministry (Goal met! Woohoo!). I would like to be there for each of my friends and neighbors when they need a shoulder to cry on. I would like to say "Here am I. Send me!"² but I just don't have the time.

But what was it Jesus said? It happens to be my favorite verses from the bible.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ³

See why I like it? It tells of where I want to be. I want to work for God. I want Him to pay me. Maybe I will have to make some tents along the way. God will still make sure I'm fed and clothed for the journey. He did so for the Apostles, and He'll do so for me.

So, I want to devote my life to the worship of God. It's hard to do, but that's a message for another day. Complete devotion results in complete care. The more I think about it, I don't want to be rich. I want to be able to relate to people. I want to understand them. If I won the lottery, even if I could relate, they wouldn't believe it.

---

Prayer:

Jehovah Gyra, our Father in Heaven, You give us all we need. If we had a million dollars, would we spend it all on You? Father, if we had a million dollars, it would all be Yours. Our use of it would either please or disgust you.

Father, please give us the desire, the drive, the gumption to do Your work. Make us to be shining lights of Your Holiness and Love. Guide us down the paths of Your Righteousness that we may be at peace.

Thank you, Lord, for your complete and unerring grace that leaves us free from worry.

In Jesus' Holy Name we pray,
Amen!

---

¹ Title and Lyrics ©1992 by Barenaked Ladies
² Isaiah 6:8, NIV
³ Matthew 6:28-34, NIV

Human Fragility

Originally posted on 04.23.2005

Why are people so fragile? For the last few weeks I have dealt with injuries and illnesses across my family. My youngest daughter got sick, passed it to her sister and she gave it to me. It was nasty, with a cough and fever. My wife missed a couple days from work -- one so I could rest, the next for herself.

But that is not all. The next week my father went in for a simple, routine heart procedure. He had a stent installed. Not a big deal, I didn't even go to Corpus for it. But then my Mom called and Dad was running a fever so they wouldn't let him out of the hospital. I went to Corpus on Friday night and left Monday morning. Sunday while I was there, my Mom came down with the flu. She slept the day away and loaded up on vitamins and was feeling better by Tuesday when my Dad was discharged from the hospital.

Oh no, that is not all! This Thursday, my wife went in for knee surgery. Another simple, routine procedure which went quite well. The next day we drove her 75 miles away for a ladies' retreat. We went early and toured the Blue Bell Ice Cream Plant. You get a free sample at the end of the tour! YUM! The best ice cream on the planet!

So, I have dealt with fragile humans quite a bit lately. Why are people so fragile?

I hate to say that we deserve it, but God says we do. Go all the way back to the beginning. In Genesis 3, the only two people on the Earth decided they would rather listen to temptation than God. God said, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."¹

Needless to say, Adam and Eve did not die when they ate that fruit, but I believe the plan was to allow them to live forever in the Garden. When they chose to disobey, they were then no longer allowed to live forever and were banished from the Garden. Death had come. God killed an animal to clothe them. Adam and Eve had two sons, one of which was a shepherd. When it came time to make sacrifices to God, Abel had to kill his best sheep. We all know what happened to he and his brother.

Death has come. What happens now? Well, God also promised that the woman's offspring would crush the head of the tempter. In fact, all Jewish scripture (called the Old Testament in Christian circles) points to the coming of this man who will defeat the tempter, Satan. He is known as 'The Messiah' or, in Greek, 'The Christ'. What does that mean to you and I?

Jesus Christ was the offspring of the woman. Jesus Christ was God's promised deliverer from sin and death. What are the wages of sin? A well-known passage, Romans 6:23, says "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."²

Sin equals death. When we choose to ignore what God has commanded, we sin. When we sin, we are condemned to die. Who among us has not sinned? I won't go into detail here, but I don't think any one writing or reading this material can say you have not sinned. Sin is a part of us since The Fall. Temptation comes along, and we must resist it.

Sometimes we are tempted to something we find revolting and we can resist that temptation on our own. Other times, however, the temptation is not revolting. It may even be fun. This temptation may be something that violates God's law. Then, only by the intervention of the Holy Spirit can we avoid this temptation. I know it happens to me several times a day. Often, I fail. Only through prayer can I resist the temptation.

Am I any better than someone that succumbs to temptation all the time? No. One sin equals death. I died when I stole a Hot Wheels car from a neighbor kid that I believed stole one from me. That was sin. That was probably not my first sin, but it's the earliest thing I can remember. It was quickly followed by lying, "He gave it to me!" I don't remember if I was caught, but it doesn't matter. I sinned. I was as good as dead.

Christ died to remove our sin. He died so that we might live. See Romans 3:9-30 for details. Christ crushed the head of the serpent.

God has also promised us a new imperishable body after this life is over. "No one in Zion will say, 'I'm sick.'"³ "When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: 'Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?' The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law."⁴ (Read all of 1 Corinthians 15 here)

In a nutshell, we who are in Christ will pass into God's arms with a body that will never be harmed. We will be immortal beings clothed in a body that will never become sick. "Thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."⁵

If you have a bible handy and want to know God's plan for our salvation, read Romans. It presents the reason for Christ's death and resurrection to us in plain language that everyone can understand. You don't have to be a theology major to understand it, I promise. If you do have any questions, however, feel free to contact me.

---

¹ Genesis 2:16-17, NIV

² Romans 6:23, NIV

³ Isaiah 33:24 - Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

⁴ 1 Corinthians 15:54-56, NIV

⁵ 1 Corinthians 15:57, NIV

Writer's Block

Originally posted on 04.13.2005
Writer's Block
writ'er's block (rtrz)

n.

A usually temporary psychological inability to begin or continue work on a piece of writing.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Updated in 2003. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company . All rights reserved.

This column is all mine. I own it. That's the great thing about the internet, everyone can be published and most of the time it won't cost you a dime! So, I own this column. That means I can write to it whenever I want. That also means I don't have to write if I don't want. Why, then would I even attempt to write when suffering from Writer's Block?

Writer's Block means, basically, that I am not able to come up with anything to write. Ironically, my analysis of the source of my writer's block has led me to write this column.

For the last two years, I have wanted to become a preacher. Perhaps this is news to you who read my column. I hope it has been somewhat apparent, but... Anyway, I figure that by writing this column, I can get some of that out of my system while I get through school. I had planned to attend a local Christian university and study ministry, paying for it with my veteran's benefits. One package in particular is the only one I have not exhausted - the Texas Hazelwood Act. I had checked, and this school does accept veterans' benefits. I could'a swore I asked about Hazelwood, but maybe not.

So yesterday, I went to the veterans representative on campus to find out how to get Hazelwood started. I was informed that Hazelwood is the only veterans package this school cannot accept. It is only available to state schools like UT or A&M.

I was shocked. I was flabbergasted. I was <insert adjective here>. Now how am I stupposed to get into school? If I can't get into school, I'll be stuck doing computer work for the rest of my life. I was tempted to lose my temper as I usually do in situations like this, but with God's help, I remained calm until i got to my car -- and bawled my eyes out.

See, school was more than a path to preach, it was a path to get back into the workforce and let my wife come home. Make our family the way God intended. Make my wife happy. Make my kids happy. Make me happy. Now, it all comes crashing down. The best laid plans...

Now what am I going to do? A long dead part of me cried out, "Go get drunk!" Now, I'm the first to tell people that getting drunk solves no problems. It only makes new ones. And, with God's help, I overcame that temptation as well.

I got home and really did not know what to do. I ate lunch and sat down to write. I had originally titled this "Bummed Out" but after reading it decided it was too depressing. (And this ain't?)

Well, I prayed. I sat down and asked God what to do. God rarely speaks out loud, he just turns on a dim light and hopes you'll see it. This time I did. I started looking for Financial Aid on the internet. I applied for several grants and scholarships. I even found out I'm not completely shot down for loans (I defaulted on my last student loans, though I've been paying on them quite nicely for the last 7 years). So, perhaps funding for furthering my college education is out there. Perhaps my preaching career is not on indefinite hold. Perhaps I can get started with this soon!

There are two more endeavors I'm undertaking. I'm writing a book called "Confessions of a Stay-At-Home Dad." I'm quite qualified for it.

God may close one door, but there's another one waiting to be opened right around the corner. Patience and prayer will help you find it.

---

Prayer

Heavenly Father, thank you. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for helping me face the issues in my life. Thank you for providing for me in my time of need.

Father, I know you have a plan for me. Finding out what that plan is may be the most difficult thing for me to do. I am not looking for a free ride. I simply want to know how I am to fulfill your plans for me in this lifetime.

Grant me the wisdom and the means necessary to reflect your glory. Let me carry your word and grace to those who have never heard it.

In Jesus' Holy Name we pray,
Amen.

Who gets to live and who gets to die?

Originally posted 04.01.2005

No food or water for two weeks. Try it. I've experienced fasting and dehydration. They're not any fun.

I've tried fasting, and usually have difficulty making 36 hours without food because of the hunger pangs. Have you ever experienced hunger pangs? They are very uncomfortable. I usually don't make it through a fast, and I've never committed to a complete fast. The longest I've succeeded at fasting was a little over two days, and that was just avoiding solid food -- drinking one glass of freshly prepared vegetable juice for each meal. The hunger was amazing!

I've experienced dehydration. Labor Day, 2000, was the hottest day ever recorded in Houston, Texas. The high that day in the city was 112° Farenheit. My car broke down about 20 miles west of civilization on I-10. I walked several miles before I came to a gas station. The first thing I did was drink two quarts of Gatorade. I then called a friend to pick me up. The next day I went to an emergency room to be rehydrated. I was nauseated, dizzy and unable to stand.

Those two experiences were nothing like two weeks without food or water. I cannot imagine what pain and agony someone suffers when they are helpless and food and water are withheld.

So a court decides that, because a man no longer wishes to care for his wife, she must die. She must be executed. Do you agree with this? Do you believe that a person who must be cared for by others should be killed without their voices being heard?

Then there is nothing wrong with unwanted babies being dropped into dumpsters.

Then there was nothing wrong with Susan Smith rolling her car into a pond to drown her children

Then there was nothing wrong with Andrea Yates drowning her five children in a bathtub.

Then there was nothing wrong with ___________ (Fill in the blank).

Do you believe that?

OK, so maybe Russell Yates wanted to care for the kids, and his wife denied him that pleasure and responsibility. That doesn't matter, the parents of Terri Schiavo wanted to take custody of and care for her.

OK, so maybe an aunt, uncle or grandparent wants to care for a baby that a teen mother has dropped in a dumpster. That doesn't matter, Schiavo's brother, Bobby Schindler, want to take custody of and care for her.

Is it un-compassionate of me to compare Michael Schiavo to Andrea Yates? Is it un-compassionate of you to decide a woman must die simply because she cannot speak for herself?

Terri Schiavo was murdered by fascists. People who, "for the betterment of society," believe that those who creeate a drain on society must be removed.

Sound familiar?

Sound like Europe in the early 1940's

Ahhhh, now we're really touching a nerve, aren't we?

Many of the people who denounce Nazism as racist groups are acting like Nazis themselves.

When Judge Greer ordered the execution of Terri Schiavo, he showed his fascist side.

When higher courts, though cleared by the elected officials of this country, refused to intervene, they showed their fascist side.

Terri Schiavo was murdered. Nobody will be held responsible for it in this lifetime.

Now it is too late for her. Perhaps, though, her death will not have been in vain.

God urges us to "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute." - Proverbs 31:8 (NIV) "When you're kind to others, you help yourself; when you're cruel to others, you hurt yourself." - Proverbs 11:17 (The Message)¹

The LORD has called us to action. Let us act. Let us strive to care for those who cannot care for themselves. Rally behind The Banner of God. Rally to the cry of "Help the Helpless!" Individually we cannot do anything. As one, we are the Body of Christ. As one, we are mighty. As one, we are able to move mountains.

As one, we can change the world!

Prayer:

Lord, Almighty Heavenly Father, You have worked miracles for centuries to make yourself known. Show yourself today!
We have counted and come up short. We should have striven to help others but we did nothing. We should have broken the barriers when the government defied You, but we did not.
Father, grant usthe strength and wisdom to be your soldiers. We are called to help the helpless. Give us what we need to fight your battle! Rally your people to take this world back from Satan according to Your will.
Father, we pray this in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Holy Son, the Bearer of Our Sin.
Amen.

---

How to Help:

What can I do? I'm only one person. I'm a small voice. "Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave."

This is not a conservative issue. This is not a liberal issue. This is a life issue. What happens ifYOU are the one that cannot speak for yourself? What happens if YOU are on life-support and, even though you are conscious, you cannot speak? What happens if YOU are the one that is executed because nobody is there to speak for you?

Things you can do:

• Write your Congressperson.
• Write your Senator."
• Vote. Sorry, there are no non-partisan links for this.
• Pray.
• Talk to others
• Neighbors
• Co-Workers
• Friends
• Family
• Church Members

One last thought. A friend of mine from high school was seriously injured in a car accident in 1984. He was comatose for nearly six months, and some thought he would not live. He is now gainfully employed, living on his own without the help of others. If, as in the case of Terri Schiavo, his plug had been pulled, he would not be here today to be one of God's lights to the world.

Interesting reading...

Originally posted on 03.24.2005
It's always interesting (especially for me!) to read the Ramblings I type in the wee hours of the morning. See, my wife works the evening shift - from 3:00 to 11:00. Her hours have changed, she used to work from 5pm to 1am, sometimes longer. Now, she gets off two hours earlier. Before her hours changed, I did my geek stuff between 10pm (after the kids went to bed and I had somewhat cleaned the house) and whatever time she got home. Now, those hours have shortened considerably, and she wants to spend some quality time together with the kids asleep and us awake.

On rare occasions (like last night), she has to work late, and I get some extra time to work on my Ramblings. Some of those times, I really do ramble! Both times I've done this, I've replaced it the next day. For some interesting reading, check out Mar. 14, 2005 and Mar. 23, 2005.

OK, OK. So this is a new project, and I've only done it twice -- including today. Maybe it would be an interesting trend to develop. Stay up late, imbibing large amounts of coffee and writing my Ramblings. Hmmm.

I've done this all my life. When I was in college, I would stay up late writing papers the night before they were due. Thinking I had written a masterpiece that the professor would want to publish, I turned the paper in. Dr. Whatzizname would hand it back to me asking me to put some effort into it.

Unfortunately, I also put this sort of effort into my spiritual life (evident by the fact I do it on my Ramblings).

• I am supposed to sing at 10:15 on Sunday morning. I skip practice on Wednesday nights, then get the music from the director at about 9:30 and begin practicing.
• I am supposed to read a bible verse on Sunday morning. Early Sunday morning, I record the verse onto a cassette tape and listen to it all the way to church -- hoping I'll memorize it by the time I get there.
• I get into a spiritual discussion with either a believer who disagrees with me or with an unbeliever, and try to prove a point I'm unprepared to defend.

These actions serve only to tear down the word I am trying to spread.

If I am to be God's messenger, if I am to prepare God's fields for the harvest, I need to be prepared to do my job. I need to burn His word into my heart. I need to study and pray. I need to listen to His responses.

At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.
At midnight the cry rang out: "Here's the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!"
Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, "Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out."
"No," they replied, "there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves."
But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.
Later the others also came. "Sir! Sir!" they said. "Open the door for us!"
But he replied, "I tell you the truth, I don't know you."
Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.
- Matthew 25:1-13, NIV

Prayer:

Our Father in Heaven, your glory is beyond our ability to say. Your magnificence is too great for words. Yet we long to tell you how awesome you are. You made everything there is, and you still shed a tear when I feel the slightest twinge of pain. You are a loving father that serves as an example for the rest of us.

Father, we know that we are sinners. We know that we are not worthy to come into your presence. Yet you gave your son, Jesus Christ -- blameless in his own life -- to take our sin upon him, to be our sin in your eyes, that it may be sacrificed upon the cross. Jesus became sin and died so that we might live. He came to life on the third day so that, when our time comes, we may also come to life eternal and spend it with you in Heaven.

It is for that sacrifice that we thank you, Lord. We have struggled so much through our lives to support ourselves, when you promise to take care of it for us. And take care of us you have. You have ensured that we are fed and clothed and sheltered.

Father, instill your word in our hearts that we may know it. We want to do your will and be prepared for the day when we must carry your word to others. Help us to be ready to be your servants.

In Jesus' Holy Name we pray,
Amen.

My Father's House

Originally posted on 03.23.2005
"You trust God, don't you? Trust me. There is plenty of room for you in my Father's home. If that weren't so, would I have told you that I'm on my way to get a room ready for you? And if I'm on my way to get your room ready, I'll come back and get you so you can live where I live. And you already know the road I'm taking."
- John 14:1-4, The Message

My father's house is big. So big that it can hold everyone who has turned their lives over to Christ. Well, given the way this evening went, I'm not sure I want to be in a house with a lot of people. I'm having trouble with the kids and the wife. And she's at work!

Tonight's episode boiled down to this. I wanted my oldest daughter -- she's six -- to do something and she refused. No, she argued with me. "It's not fun!" She's just like her Daddy. I can say that; I "R" him.

She's trying out her boundaries. She wants to be independent. Though, at the same time, she wants to be treated like our baby. She's jealous of the attention, of the "special breaks" that the baby gets. Don't forget that the baby is just now learning to say some words. She understands some (and she is punished when she ignores those that she knows), but she is not old enough to be held accountable for her actions to the same degree the oldest is.

How do we make the oldest understand this? Well, we don't follow Daddy's method. Daddy has a -- shall we say -- temper problem that results in lost tempers on an all too regular basis. It can be an ugly sight. Once I lose my temper, I am ashamed for the way I behave. I keep reminding my oldest that she is to set an example for her sister, then I pull a stunt like this.

In my father's house is a lot of room. Perhaps I could let someone else in this big house watch the kids while I get away for a few minutes. Maybe I could actually spend a couple of hours worrying about something more important than the fact that my kids don't treat me with any respect. Maybe I could praise God.

Paul and Silas sang in prison. Acts 16:23-26 (NIV) says "After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. Upon receiving such orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose."

Many days I feel like I'm in prison. I can't do what I want because I have a family to look after. Yeah, I know, it was my choice -- at least it was partly my choice. I did choose to give up an illustrious career as a professional bug killer to pursue my life as a stay-at-home Dad. I did choose to have kids in the first place.

If Paul and Silas were able to get God to wreck the prison just by singing hymns, perhaps I can as well. My wife tells me when I'm down I need to sing praises. Basically, when you don't feel like singing is the time you should be singing. It will keep your mind focused on God. He will then lift your burden from you.

Prayer:

Abba [Daddy] Father God, we know we are lower than the lowest Heavenly beings. We acknowledge our worthlessness to come before you. We are sinners, and we are not worthy to even be in your presence. Yet even with all our spots, our sins, we have been redeemed so that we can come before you.

The sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the Cross was more than a misunderstanding. You promised this to Adam in the very beginning of time. You promised that we would be free from sin and the devil through the death of Christ. Your promise came true on that first Easter morning.

Father, we ask that you will show us your glory so we are always reminded of your infinite mercy and grace. When that mercy and grace is poured out on use, we can then pour it out on our neighbors.

Thank you, Father for your gifts to us.
In Jesus' Holy Name we pray,
Amen.

The Hornet's Nest

Originally posted on March 15, 2005
I used to enjoy putting sticks in virtual hornet's nests. I had a shirt that said "Spotted Owl Tastes Like Chicken!" I went to the Mondale rally with my Reagan signs and proudly displayed my new shiner for all to see. I took one for the Gipper! I spent a lot of time in trouble because I believed my job in the Navy was telling my superiors exactly how I felt in certain situations. They called it disrespect. I somehow never made it before the Captain. I don't know why...

But for some reason, I balked at writing this. It's weighed heavy on my mind for several years, but I've never had the nerve to finally put it down. It springs from my own jaded past, as well as those around me. Are we, as forgiving Christians, to tolerate or accept those around us? Or are we supposed to (as we've been taught by so many through the years) get in the faces of those we have personally condemned as sinners?

I grew up in the church. There was always a small spark of the Spirit in my heart. When I was drunk at topless bars, I'd tell people I was a Christian -- heedless of the damage my witness was causing to the body of Christ.

I have joked that I was out partying on Saturday night, and standing, hungover, in the choir loft on Sunday morning. I don't know how many of those around me knew of my double-life. From what I've seen in others' lives, likely a lot of people knew it but wouldn't say anything. Had they said something, perhaps the next ten years would have been different.

Let me say that I believe God differentiates between sinners and sin. We are sinners, condemned by our sin. God hates sin. God loves sinners. God gave His son that we might be free from sin. God wants us to be without sin. God does not condemn us if we ask Him to forgive us. Therefore, he loves us even though we are sinners. If God differentiates between sinners and sin, what right do we have to link the two? The following questions do not deal with the issue of sin, rather the person who is trapped in that sin.

---

Question 1: Should we "get in the faces" of those we believe are condemned as sinners? The answer is NO! We, too, are sinners. We have no right to condemn another for their sin. As Christians, we are forgiven for our sins. Our record is wiped clean. But we should not forget from whence we came. The Apostle Paul remembered his past, even when he was in prison for preaching Christ.

When the people brought to Jesus a woman caught in adultery, Jesus did not judge her for her actions. He did not condemn her as a sinner. Rather, he called into question the hearts of those who had condemned her. Beating someone over the head with a Bible will only drive them away. I've seen it happen. It happened to me.

---

Question 2: Should we tolerate or accept sinners? By all means, YES!

Should we tolerate or accept sin? That's a little more tricky. Given the definitions of tolerate and accept, I believe it is two questions:

Question 2a: Should we tolerate sin?
Question 2b: Should we accept sin?

I believe toleration says we should ignore sin while we teach the sinner about Christ. Once they accept Christ, we work with the new family member to help them overcome their sin. It's imperative! We cannot deal with the extensions until we deal with the problem. People will sin. It started in the Garden. If we try to change someone without convincing them why they should change, they will not change.

If a doctor says, "You need to take this medicine. It will make you very sick. It may even kill you." Will you take the medicine? I hope you wouldn't take it given what you were told. Now, if the doctor says, "You have hepatitis-B. It's dormant, but it will raise it's ugly head at some point. When it does, you will be hospital-bound for at least a week. During that week, we will treat the disease with interferon - a medication that will make you even sicker, perhaps even kill you. But, if we don't treat it, the disease will kill you." Will you take the medicine? Maybe, now that you have more information, you can make a better decision.

The same thing happens with non-believers and sin. You want to take away the things they enjoy? You want to take away free sex and drunkenness? You want to take away drugs and spiritual anarchy? You may as well kill them. What good is life without those things? First, make them believe that life with Christ is better than a life in sin. That's a hard sell. Once Christ has convinced them, whether through you or someone else, then the Holy Spirit can begin to work on their sinful nature.

I've heard many people quote the Apostle Paul when he says, as the NIV titles the section, 'Expel the Immoral Brother!' How many have read the follow-up in 2 Corinthians? Paul states very clearly that we should forgive and welcome those among us who are suffering from sin. I admit that I have blindly followed the teaching from 1 Corinthians without looking further.

Question 2b: If we accept sin, we are simply telling people that there is no problem with their lifestyle and there is no reason to change. We are telling people that they have no need for Christ. We are missing the Great Commission.

I ask that you consider what I have said. Think about it. Pray about what you have read. Let me know what you think.

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father, you have created your people to serve you. Only through you can we become like you. We desire to be holy -- like you.
Father, we know people who are overwhelmed by sin. We know people who do not know you. We know people who need your help. They may be our spouses, our brothers, our sisters, our friends, our co-workers, our neighbors. Help us to shine your light that they may see it. Help us to introduce these people to you. Help us to demonstrate through our lives that life with Christ is much better than life without. With Christ, we are more like you.
We also acknowledge that we are often guilty of shunning these people without giving them a chance to know you. Work in our lives to be more forgiving, as you require. Work with us to help us be more like you.
Thank you for being in our lives. Thank you for being our salvation. Thank you for taking over all that we do. Thank you for helping us be more like you.

In Jesus' Holy Name we pray,
Amen.

God is a Blacksmith

Originally posted on February 28, 2005

That's right, I said God is a blacksmith as well as a potter. I have good reason for that, too.

See, when I was saved on January 30, 2002, I asked God to make a difference in my life. I asked that He make me into the person He wants me to be. I really didn't think that meant He had to do something with all the other stuff in my life.

Many people compare God to a potter. Potters take a lump of formless clay and mold it until it becomes something beautiful or useful. That molded clay is then baked until it becomes firm, though breakable. A good potter can make something useful and beautiful. The key here is that the potter take a lump of formless clay.

Do you realize what a blacksmith does? When, for example, a blacksmith makes a horseshoe, he takes a straight iron rod and heats it. When he removes it from the fire, it is glowing. Then he beats it with a hammer. The iron doesn't get a break, it is put right back into the fire. This process of heating and beating is repeated until the straight iron rod looks like a horseshoe. The harder the iron, the longer the process. Note: For those of you who want to be swords for the spiritual battle, the process is the same.

How many of you were formless before God got 'hold of you? I know I wasn't. I had a form, and it wasn't pretty. Nor was it anything approaching Godly. I was quite the sinner, with an eye on bringing others down to my level. I won't go into gory, graphic details, but let's just say it involved tequila and wild women.

Needless to say, when I 'gave God permission' to change me, he had to first undo something that was carved in stone. I was not soft and malleable. I was hard. I had some bad lifestyle choices that had to change. Changing those life choices was not going to be easy.

First, I lost my job. Since my wife had a decent job, we have not missed any bills. We did have to make some changes, however. That leads to the rest of the heating and beating:

• I am now a stay-at-home dad. I never realized how hard housewives work! And they never get any credit!
• Though I have applied for literally thousands of jobs, I have only interviewed twice. I had to turn down both offers because they would cost me money if I accepted.
• My kids are constantly trying my patience. Well, don't all kids do that to their parents?
• I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
• My wife is no longer happy with her job. That increases stress at home.

Need I go on?

Yes, the heatings and beatings will continue until morale improves. Well, to be perfectly honest, my morale has improved. I have learned that, in accordance with His word, He will provide. He will take my burden. He will give me peace. He will make me a success at all I do in His name.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, you created the heavens and earth. You created every star and every grain of sand. You created the animals, birds, fishes, trees and grass. You created iron and water and air. Yet you still care about each grain of sand. You care about each feather on each bird. You care about me. You alone are God and you alone are holy.

Father, I know I am not worthy to come into your presence. My sinfulness have separated me from your holiness. Because you love me in my sinfulness, you sent your holy Son, Jesus Christ, a part of you, to die a horrible death. His death was the ultimate sacrifice, and His blood absolved my sin. His life was the perfect example, and His resurrection was victory over death. Through Jesus I am a new man; my sin forgiven.

I thank you for all the blessings you have poured out on me. You have provided for me shelter and clothing and food. You have given me gifts that I may use to serve you. You have promised for me an inheritance in your palace and royal family. Most of all, I thank you for Jesus Christ.

Father, I ask you to show yourself to our world. Make yourself known. We want to reflect your glory. We ask that you watch over us. Post your angels around us to protect us from evil. Make us ready, willing and able to do your work. Make us bold yet humble.

We ask all this in Jesus holy name. Amen.

Laundry Day

Originally posted on March 14,2005
To-day is Laundry Day. I've put it off as long as I could, but it has to be done. So now, I've got about 8 loads of laundry to wash, dry, fold, iron and hang up. Fun work. I'd like to think that I'm not a chauvinist, but days like this I understand the differences between men and women.

Let's see here. Among other things, stay-at-home dads get to do:

• Laundry
• Dishes
• Bathe the Kids
• Clean the house
• Clean up after the dog,cat & guinea pig
• Feed the kids (can't forget that one!)

Those are some of the tasks I am assigned. Along with those, I also have to:

• Mow the lawn
• Repair the siding
• Repair the soffit & gutter
• Re-wire the home LAN
• Fertilize the lawn
• Pull weeds
• Kill bugs (and other creepy things!)
• Anything else that may come up

See, my week is cut out for me. Not much time to update Clay's Ramblings. My wife does more than her fair share of the work around the house. Since she's working, though, I feel guilty if she has to do too much. Most of the first group I can handle. Most of the first group gets done every week. I'll admit that I never get laundry done in one day. Most of the other chores there get done at least every day.

Why am I rambling on about this? I'm not bitter, if that's what you're thinking. I'm just reflecting that Men and Women are different. I've been thinking about a book project titled Home Improvement: or, How Wiring and Plumbing can Wreck a Home.

Men and Women have different plumbing. Of that, most of us are sure. There are a few that are confused about that, but I don't have time to go into that today. But I digress. Suffice to say that our plumbing is different. So is our wiring. I'm convinced of that daily as I watch Mothers and Fathers interact with their kids.

Scenario 1: Kid falls down at the local playground (boy or girl -- it makes no difference):

• Dad says: "You're not hurt! Get back out there and play!"
• Mom says: "Oh, my poor baby! Let me kiss it and make it better."

Two completely different responses to the same situation. We're wired differently. We respond to things differently.

Scenario 2: Out for dinner with friends and baby starts crying:

• Mom: "Honey, can you see what's bothering the baby?"
• Dad: "What -- the baby's crying?"
• Mom: "Yes, dear. She's been crying for 20 minutes."
• Dad: "OK, let me finish telling Ralph about the..."
• Mom: "Please, dear. I took care of her last time, and I would like to talk to Sandy for a while."
• Dad: "OK, just a second. So, anyway, there we were in the fishing boat...
• As Mom looks on in fuming silence, Dad relates the details of the fishing trip. Not wanting to make a scene, Mom takes care of the baby -- changing a diaper. Ten minutes later, the baby's crying again.
• Mom: "Honey, can you see what's bothering the baby?"
• Dad: "Aw, gee. I just took care of her last time!"

OK, I'm not going into further detail. The words cannot be printed on a family website. Let's just say that Dad's not really wired to take care of the kids. That does not absolve him of his fatherly duties!

God gave each of us a certain wiring. Men are rough, testosterone laden beings with one purpose in life: Kill. That's why we like war movies. That's why we like football. Women, on the other hand, are caring and nurturing. My wife and I have observed that Mom will sacrifice Dad to save the kids. Dad will sacrifice the kids to save Mom. Is this a bad thing? It is just our place in life.

In the 21^st century, we humans are determined to wreck God's plan for us. I took my wife's last name at marriage. I am a stay-at-home Dad. I have taken on a role for which I was not designed. I am working hard not to be miserable at my chosen lot. (I am also working hard to switch places with my wife who is working at a marvelous job with excellent benefits. (E-mail me for my resume.)

It all goes back to the Fall of Man in Genesis 3. Adam and Eve were doing very well. They relied 100% on God to provide them with all that they needed. They trusted that God would feed them. There was no need for clothing or shelter, as there was nothing to be clothed or sheltered against. But along comes Satan. As always, he has to destroy a good thing. He tempted Eve with the forbidden fruit, and she ate. She then gave it to Adam and he ate.

He blamed her, she blamed the snake in the grass. God said, (Genesis 3) "I don't care who started it, I'm finishing it. Y'all are in trouble. Y'all messed up big time. Now you have to work for a living. You have to leave the garden and you can't come back. Women will bear children and men will work for food."

Now, in my house, partly through design and partly through circumstance, our roles are reversed. She is working for our food, and I am dealing with the kids. Dads, not all pains of bearing children come from birth! Kids are a pain to raise.

This is How it Feels...

Podcast for this entry available here.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

- These and other lyrics from the song "Held" recorded by Natalie Grant, lyrics written by Christa Wells

Every time my daughter hears this song, she cries. The first time she heard it was watching a PowerPoint presentation at church shortly after Hurricane Katrina. The PowerPoint was full of images of smashed houses - and the people that lived in them. It struck especially close to our hearts, as we have family in Gulfport and Biloxi, MS. This was also just before we thought we may be in the same situation with Hurricane Rita.

The song "Held" by Natalie Grant is full of poignant lyrics, written by Christa Wells "in the wake of losing two loved ones". - ChristianityToday.com ChristianMusicToday.com - Natalie Grant It is driven by a haunting melody as we are reminded of the promise that no matter what happens to us in this fallen world, we would be held.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

Many Christians (and non-believers scoff because they) believe that God will protect them from all harm and misfortune. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Paul suffered greatly for his faith in Christ; being flogged and imprisoned several times just because he believed. Paul himself oversaw the stoning of Steven - a martyr in the name of Christ. Yet he wrote the following (2 Cor. 1:3-7, NIV)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Suffering is part of being a Christian. I wrote once in a now-defunct blog that I believe God is a blacksmith, not a potter. That means I'm a hunk of hard iron, resistant to change - not a lump of malleable clay (though that is my name... Hmmm). When I dedicated my life to Him, I asked Him to take over my life completely. Make me into what He wants me to be. Well, in order for Him to do that, He needed to break me down. There was (and, apparently, still is) a method He has to follow to make me into his servant.

First, He removed everything upon which I depended. He knocked my legs out from under me. I demonstrated this to my seven-year-old daughter by catching her behind her knees with one hand while catching her with my other hand. That is what God did to me. He knocked my legs out from under me. He left me with nothing to lean on - except Him.

I'm not going to lie to you. It hurt. It still does sometimes. But the truth is, it had to be done. I was very self-absorbed, and relied on my own talents to get me through life. God took all of that away from me so I could lean on Him and count on His blessings to get me through life.

Today, I'm basically unemployable (a computer network engineer who's been out of the loop for four years!), I live in a house in a perpetual summer with no air conditioning and my 26" TV bit the dust leaving me with a 5" black and white. My brother-in-law felt sorry for us and gave us a spare 14" color. I love to eat dinner at fine restaurants, but now that only happens when someone else is buying.

So, to put it bluntly, my life sucks. But,

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

I'm not incredibly wise, but I've learned to look for blessings in the little things - like the lilies of the valley.

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

- Matthew 6:28-30, NIV

My wife keeps singing a song that goes

When upon life's billows, you are tempest-tossed
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost
Count your many blessings, name them one by one
And it will surprise you what the LORD has done!

Following that song's instructions has put everything in perspective for me. Yeah, life sucks, but there are many, many blessings that I seem to forget. We were spared Rita's wrath, for example. Yeah, we spent 16 hours on the road and only went 22 miles, but we didn't suffer any damage from the storm that was forecast to come within 10 miles of our house with over 100 mph winds.

I will not deny that Christians experience suffering. Perhaps we suffer more because of our faith than those who are not faithful. Satan tempts us as he tries to lure us away from Christ. Satan puts snares in front of us as he lies, telling us his way is better. If we abandon Christ, Satan will stop working to make our lives miserable. It's a fact.

And, many have fallen for Satan's lies. I, myself, have suffered depression and been under a doctor's care for bipolar disorder because of these lies. I still occasionally fall for them. But when I stand firm in the teachings of Christ, I am tried even harder. Ephesians 6 warns us about these trials, and urges us to "put on the full armor of God". It is only with this armor that we can make it in this world.

The song "Held" ends with the words:

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.
This is what it is to be held
And to know, that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held

Yeah, our hope is born of suffering. Our hope rests eternal in sharing the suffering, death and resurrection of our LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ. And, only through suffering can we come to depend upon our LORD. If life is 100% hunky-dory, will you ever know the joy of the LORD?

In 2 Corinthians 11:16-33 and continuing in 2 Corinthians 12:1-10, Paul 'boasts' about his sufferings. He takes pride in the fact that he has suffered for Christ. He discusses the "thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me." And his answer when he prayed for relief? "My grace is sufficient for you, for my pwer is made perfect in weakness."

So, I'll just reiterate what Paul said to the Church at Corinth. Rejoice in your sufferings, as hard as it may be. Rejoice when things go wrong. Like right now when I'm trying to get this thing written and the kids are being hard to get along with. It's hard to rejoice, but it's what we are commanded to do.

I'm there to hold you when you're suffering. I'll pray with you and I'll cry with you. But most of all, I'll rejoice with you.

Re-installing Linux

Well, I like Linux for my webserver. It uses far less overhead than Windows, therefore, it runs quite nicely on my Pentium //-MMX 300MHz with 64MB RAM (and, now with 20GB of disk space! Woohoo)!

I was running a system called YES Linux, which was great for folks that aren't really technical and want to run a "out-of-the-box" webserver on an old slow machine. But, I'm technical, and I wanted to do a lot with my webserver that just couldn't be done on YES.

So, last Friday, when I was adding a 10GB HDD, I accidentally erased the old drive - the one with my data. I had to rebuild. I installed an old, very good, bulletproof Linux system called FreeBSD. It's a little different than my favorite Linux, Red Hat's Fedora Core, but it's small and fit quite nicely on my old, slow machine.

After installing it, the first thing I had to do was install a good text editor. I'm not installing Linux X (the Linux point-and-click Windows-type thingy), so I need to do everything from the keyboard. And the native editor - vi - is called "very insane by other techies. So, I downloaded my favorite from college called joe. Joe is easy to use - kinda like a word processor without a mouse.

After that, I downloaded the webserver application called Apache. It's very customizable, but also easy to install for first-timers. There is an Apache available for Windows and Macs as well, and I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to run a webserver on any platform.

OK - a technical blog entry to kinda let you know what this weekend held. Oh yeah - I couldn't work on it between Friday night and Sunday night - I was out of town! :)

But, it's up and running now! Thank you for your support!

Adios,
Clay

Experiencing Technical Difficulties...

My webserver crashed. All of my podcasts were stored there. If you are attempting to get a podcast, the server should be back online after the weekend. I sincerely apologize for any difficulties this may cause.

Oh - and you probably can't see my lovely face over there...

Like a Dog

Dogs are known for unconditional love. But I'm not going to expound upon that today. Bye!

OK, OK - here's my blog entry for today:

I've been noticing how eager my dog is to please. Unlike dogs in my past, she obeys every command without question. I know she likes to be outside, but I have trouble believing anyone, even a dog, would enjoy being outside in the muggy Houston summers. This morning, for example, the outside temperature is close to 80°F. My dog needed out - so she wouldn't soil the carpet. She went outside and looked happy laying in the grass.

At 5:30, my wife left for work and asked the dog if she wanted to come in. She got up, hung her head and slowly began walking to the door. She had a "not my will but yours" look on her face. (Dogs can do that 'cuz they have eyebrows. Cats don't have eyebrows. They just have a bunch of stuff sticking out of their heads. - Thank you, George Carlin) I just closed the door on her and watched her through the window. She happily returned to her spot in the grass.

I don't want to say that I'm a dog, but I have learned that I'm called to do just that. When I get comfortable, God says, "Clay, come here." I can choose whether or not to go.

Abraham did exactly that when God called him in Genesis 12. But his name wasn't Abraham at that time, it was Abram. God said, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." -Genesis 12:1, NIV
Abraham had a choice. He could either do what God said, or he could say, "God, I really like it where I am. I don't feel like leaving."

God did have an incentive for him, though:

"I will make you into a great nation
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you."

- Genesis 12:2-3, NIV
Abram followed God's instructions. He made some mistakes, but he pretty much did as God commanded. He left his father's family in Haran and went to Canaan. Life was pretty good, but Abram didn't trust God fully. He still tried to do some things on his own. That's when things got messed up.

We do the same thing. We try to follow God on our terms. Problem is, that's not part of the deal. When we abandon our dreams and goals in favor of God's goals for us, we begin to see true blessings. Sometimes it takes discipline to deny yourself so you can reap the blessings. Jesus put it this way:

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

- John 12:24-26, NIV (emphasis mine)
OK, so we have to die? "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:20 Yes, we do. We have to die to our own desires. We have to die to our personal dreams. We have to see God's dreams and goals realized.

Here's a kicker to that. I'm not a disciplined person. So, how did I learn about God's blessings? Picture a man clinging to the mast of a ship high above a stormy, shark-filled sea. There are legs to support this mast. One by one, the waves of the sea knock the legs from the mast and the man falls into the sea. But, when he falls, he finds that the sea will buoy him up and keep him away from the sharks. The sea gently carries him to shore.

Life is a lot like that. Technology, my job, physical comfort and a tummy full of chicken-fried steak (one dish I haven't figured out how to make) were the legs of my mast when I dedicated my life to Christ. When I became saved, I told God to take my life and make it into something that will please Him. He immediately began tearing my life down so He could rebuild it. He knocked each of those legs from my mast so that I could come to rely on Him completely.

So, it doesn't always take discipline. If God wants you, He'll come and get you. If you won't bend your knees, He'll bend them for you. Having lost all of my comforts, I cried out to Him. I begged Him to return me to the life I found so comfortable. As Natalie Grant put it so poignantly,

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

- Held by Natalie Grant
No, God didn't promise us a happy life with all the riches of Solomon. (Read Ecclesiastes. Solomon wasn't happy!) He did, however, promise us a joy-filled life with all the riches of God. His riches are far different from gold and silk which thieves steal and moths destroy. God's riches are joy, peace and love. Without those, what good is life?

Like my dog, we need to be willing to give up our comfortable spot in life and go where God has sent us. Like my dog, we need to come when we are called.